I don’t think someone can ever love me. And I don’t mean it in a pick me “I’m not good enough for josh 🥺” kind of way but more in a scientific kind a way. I know it sounds weird but I believe with every living cell in my body that there is something wrong with like the hormones I make or some s*** that keeps everyone from loving me or feeling any kind of romantic feeling towards me. I know it’s not because I’m ugly because I know I’m pretty. Not gorgeous but if I was in a game of smash or pass I think people would chose smash. Anyways, I started thinking about this a couples of years ago and it is now my biggest fear. When I think about it too much it makes me want to throw up. Some nights I just can’t sleep thinking about it. I try to find confort in thinking that maybe I won’t have a husband or even kids when I grow up but I can be really good at my job, like excellent. There are times when I think that this life (where I would just work and be the best in my field) is going to be enough for me, I try to make myself believe that it will be enough. But I always have a little feeling of emptiness. I have so much love to give and when people get to know me they normally like me so I want with all my heart to be able to share that love with someone but I convinced myself years ago that that is impossible. It hurts me so much. Every time I think about it a feel like a knife is stabbed in my chest. How am I supposed to love myself if I believe with all my heart that nobody else can. I don’t know