Half my life ago, a man who is now deceased kissed me. He held me in place while I struggled to get out of his embrace, while all the adults in the room laughed. Four years later he, my grandfather, was arrested on pedophilia charges. But I never told anyone about him kissing me, because that was so much “lesser” than what he did to my cousin. To this day, he is the only person to have kissed me. At this point,I don’t think I can heal to a place where I can be in a relationship. I don’t think I can heal. I don’t think anyone else can be close to me. I think a dead p******** ruined me, and any hope I have at being a normal person. I am now 32 years old, and I have never been in a romantic relationship. I am too broken to be in one.