I cannot help but feel that I’ve ruined my last relationship. We had been going for over 3 fantastic years, little to no issues, except for the usual arguments that everyone should have. Exciting trips, fantastic intimacy, days where we would do nothing but get take-out and relax on the couch together. Upon getting a new exciting job; I found myself pondering too much on the “what if’s” in life, career, relationship, everything. I saw my eye wandering towards other new shiny things.

I felt the need to figure out who I was first, and that she didn’t deserve someone who wasn’t dialed in to having a relationship 100%. I let that culminate into a devastating break-up. We were standing in a Target parking lot, my face overwhelmed with the fear of breaking things off. But I still did it; and, as soon as she drove away, I knew I made a horrible mistake. It took me losing her to realize that I need her in my life.

Through all of the faults that I let cloud my mind, she was always patient, kind, supportive, motivated, attractive as all get-out, and most importantly, she loved me. I hurt her, instead of loving her like God would love me; with patience, kindness, support, and love. I learned really quick. I learned that not everything has to be perfect, you just have to make the best out of what you got with the one you have. That, I did not do.

I’m a believer in God. I want to know more about the relationship I have with Him before I attempted to support a relationship with her. I know that I could not have learned this lesson without learning it the hard way. I trust that His path is greater than my desires, and I pray that one day I can be the man to love her and build a lasting bond.

I want to rediscover her as a better man. I just needed to be that man, first.

Miracles do happen, but there needs to be adversity for the miracle to lift up from.

I love you, Sweet Thing. I miss you so much.