Sometimes I want to leave.

I want to give up and just say “f*** it!” and leave everyone I love. The thing is: I feel no regret when I think about that. I’m having a hard time feeling empathy and I can’t stop lying, it’s scaring the s*** out of me! I can’t cry anymore, and I have no trauma.
What. The. Hell.
There’s no reason for me to be feeling this, it’s not even genetic. I’m gifted and stupidly privileged so I don’t even have a reason to feel this. I’ve been suffering for 4-ish years. I lie when I talk to someone about it, I can’t stop lying to therapists or loved ones. I hate social events and I constantly embarrass myself. Everyday I wake up optimistic, but I feel like the world is crumbling around me. I deny that my symptoms have regressed over the years yet they have.

And in a weird twist of fate, I’m strongly compelled to spite the higher power making me feel this (whether that be my brain or the devil) and never kill/harm myself or others. Don’t worry for me. I will stay strong. Just know that I’m really f****** angry at whatever makes me feel this way. -some kid