I want to be dead so badly but if I were my kids would be raised by a narcissist. So I can’t even kill myself to find peace. I am destined to love the rest of my life broken and lonely. You took it all away when you left. You hurt me in deeper and longer lasting ways than he ever did. Than he ever could. I fantasize about ending it all but know it will never ever happen and all this pain will just continue to go while I play happy mommy and happy human for al the world to see. I want to take drugs to him but al but again I would lose my kids so I don’t even do that. Even my dreams are painful. I have no where to hide from the pain.