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Why am I unwanted? I try all the time to be a better person but I guess I’m not enough. I do chores all the time, I always have to watch my sister, always have to clean. But as soon as my mothers boyfriend or whoever tf he is does a chore I get bashed. And its so hard because I am trying. Anytime we disagree I’m wrong in every single situation. She want to follow my dream of becoming a fashion designer but I have no motivation. She just keeps pushing and pushing me and I can’t take it. I am expected to have a business and be a entrepreneur but that’s not what I want. At least for now, I just turned 15 and I am expected of so much. All of my family members around my age is so much greater than me and I feel like I don’t contribute anything. Anytime I’m quiet my mom says I’m ungrateful and she’s gonna kick me out and make live somewhere else just because I’m not energetic. I’m a very clumsy person and she got so mad at me she started yelling about whether or not I have mental issues and need to be on medicine. That stuck with me. Anytime I make a mistake she look at me in disgust and make sure I see her face. Sometimes she makes comments about my weight and yes I am over weight but I am not obese. But then when I try to starve myself she wanna feed me and seem like a good mom. She is f****** my life up and I cannot wait until I can get out of this hellhole. So if I’m not needed than why tf am I here I just wanna disappear and never turn back. Permanently.

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S** coach/leader of the group of neighborhood married men i kneel for came by yest evenin. Vert angry nut not violently so. He said that the way my ex wife had acted was exactly why he and the other men seek my mouth and do not waste their time cheating with women. He said that no men would visit until he straightened me out and i straightened ex wife out. He told me my ex wife was a taboo topic for the current. That the only way men would return was to do what he expected of me and that the other men agreed to let him handle it as long as they were assurred he had. He insistednwe go to the shed, where i was required to strip and bend over a sawhorse. He closed the shed door as i obeyed making it dark. He set my own phone up with light to spotlight my bate upturned a**, and then took off and laid his belt over the sawhorse next to me. I jumpes out of my skin when he roughly shoved my feet apart then pulled my g******* back behind me and used duct tape around them to hold them protruding. Then i was ordered to put my feel together and he bound my knees tightly trapping my g******* back between my thighs. Bound my wrists in the small of my back. I was terrified but he did not care. Bi was thrashed by his helt on cheeks backs of thighs and g*******. Not without mercy but definitely brutally. I was in tears in momentts and begging for mercy but he just reached around and duct taped over my mouth. I know it was less than 30 minutes but seemed endless. Every time my trapped g******* took a direct hit i was dry heavimg from the gut ache. As he struck he was saying the most vile things….was mot going to risk his life or marriage fir a fsggot cocksucker or my stupid w**** wife. I tried to squirm away but he held me by my hair and kept wailing away with the belt and cursing me and her even though she 2as not there. On and on. I dont know how long i was sobbing and gasping, he finally stopped and as soon as he yanked the tape off my legs i collapsed on the concrete shed floor. He didnt say a word he just unzipped his pants and emptied his bladder on me as i lay there. He pulled me up by my hair to my knees and if a man can be described as m*********** with anger, that is what he did, and sorrayed my face with his seed. Then let go of my hair and let me collapse back on the floor. He picked up my phone ended the video recording and sent it to his own phone. To orove to the other husbands he had handled me. Told me that he expected me to have handled my ex wife by the end of the week and to provide video proofand that the other husbands would see it. He swore to me that as soon as i proved i had handled her that things with the neighborhood husbands would resume. He said that dor now i would be the only d*** my idiot ez wife would be getting that he had definite purely lustful interest in her but he did not feel that he wouls be comfortable with having my ex wife relieve his son of his female virginity and it was not ideal but for now my mouth would have to be his son’s outlet as long as i did what was ezpected with her. I am not afraid to do what is expected but i do not have a solid means of presenting it to her and her agreeing. The only motivator i have is i know how badly my ex wife wants the man who took a belt to me to f*** her again. He wrecked her when he fucked her and she wants more of that. Otherwise it would be s***** to show her my bruised cheeks ans thighs, and my seriously swollen and black and blue testicles. Idk maybe if i let her see the video of what i took for us she would step up for her part in this. Now i am simply aching and feeling guilty because i am in part to blame letting my s** with ex wife and the blow jobs i give these men overlap.