5 years
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when i was normal a girl why why am i still alive if i realize now someone would only read these notes once i’ve died i don’t think my mother takes me seriously she doesn’t think i’d of it she doesn’t understand why i keep a knife beside ever bed why i always put the nutmeg out why i look at gallons of water funny why i post weird things on instagram why couldn’t i be someone else living someone else’s life in all my fantasy’s i’m someone else. nothing from my life is there my mom is usually dead and my dad loves me and i’m born male and i’m happy and i find someone who loves me and i get to do the things i want to do without fear why do i let fear control me? how can i be so weak. all i want is my own life but i can’t take it for myself? i’m the cause of my own problems i ruined it for myself maybe if i was a better daughter to them . are you a gaslighter? did you EVER love me? what’s the point of love if it’s only conditional why do i always have to have a backup plan? why do i have to worry about where i’ll have to stay if you kick me out?

New Confession

Ex wife refused her punishment. Let s** coach/coordinator know. He was very disappointed in me but told me to let things blow over and he will convince the other married men i kneel for to start coming around again as long as my ex wife stops coming over. Understandably they dont like the risk od her showing up unannounced wanting to see me on my knees again. But he said he and or his son would start visiting my mouth again soon as long as i agreed to changing locks on house and shed where i orally service them. I agreed and he and his son came over with new locks and we divided and conquered changing the locks (without any time on my knees). They told me they had talked and would find another woman to take the son’s virginity with women. They told me that they were telling me this for two reasons. So that my place if i was willing would be the safe space for the son to experience a woman. Father and son also agreed that that experience should be something that the son experience both me and the woman, and then the woman separately, so that the son could decide his own preferences. The father also said that he would like to use my place to put female candidates thru their paces to select the right woman for his son,’s first experiences with a woman. The father even said he was sorry for having to punish me so severely but he did it because i was responsible for bringing my ex wife into all this and putting all the neighborhood hisbands i kneel for at risk. He even said that while he did not see it being the same woman he eventually selects for his son, he was willing to find a female FWB for me to replace my ex wife and told me he understood how it all happened but that i would be happier in the long run without the insane toxicity of my ex being the outlet for my heterosexual side. I have not heard from ex wife since the attempt to convince her to take her punishment for her contribution to the issue and idk when i will hear from her next.

Related Confessions

Ex wife refused her punishment. Let s** coach/coordinator know. He was very disappointed in me but told me to let things blow over and he will convince the other married men i kneel for to start coming around again as long as my ex wife stops coming over. Understandably they dont like the risk od her showing up unannounced wanting to see me on my knees again. But he said he and or his son would start visiting my mouth again soon as long as i agreed to changing locks on house and shed where i orally service them. I agreed and he and his son came over with new locks and we divided and conquered changing the locks (without any time on my knees). They told me they had talked and would find another woman to take the son’s virginity with women. They told me that they were telling me this for two reasons. So that my place if i was willing would be the safe space for the son to experience a woman. Father and son also agreed that that experience should be something that the son experience both me and the woman, and then the woman separately, so that the son could decide his own preferences. The father also said that he would like to use my place to put female candidates thru their paces to select the right woman for his son,’s first experiences with a woman. The father even said he was sorry for having to punish me so severely but he did it because i was responsible for bringing my ex wife into all this and putting all the neighborhood hisbands i kneel for at risk. He even said that while he did not see it being the same woman he eventually selects for his son, he was willing to find a female FWB for me to replace my ex wife and told me he understood how it all happened but that i would be happier in the long run without the insane toxicity of my ex being the outlet for my heterosexual side. I have not heard from ex wife since the attempt to convince her to take her punishment for her contribution to the issue and idk when i will hear from her next.