when i was normal a girl why why am i still alive if i realize now someone would only read these notes once i’ve died i don’t think my mother takes me seriously she doesn’t think i’d of it she doesn’t understand why i keep a knife beside ever bed why i always put the nutmeg out why i look at gallons of water funny why i post weird things on instagram why couldn’t i be someone else living someone else’s life in all my fantasy’s i’m someone else. nothing from my life is there my mom is usually dead and my dad loves me and i’m born male and i’m happy and i find someone who loves me and i get to do the things i want to do without fear why do i let fear control me? how can i be so weak. all i want is my own life but i can’t take it for myself? i’m the cause of my own problems i ruined it for myself maybe if i was a better daughter to them . are you a gaslighter? did you EVER love me? what’s the point of love if it’s only conditional why do i always have to have a backup plan? why do i have to worry about where i’ll have to stay if you kick me out?