5 years
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I am so utterly afraid for tomorrow. I live in a house with an abusive sibling and my parents won’t do anything. They are aware of his behaviour, and they are simultaneously afraid of him, and trying to protect him. for the past few months i haven’t been interacting with him. i’ve dealt with his s*** all my life and at a certain point it just became too much. So i cut him out as much as i could to protect my emotions. I don’t talk to him, look at him, if he’s in the same room, I simply leave that room.

This has made him lose his s***. My lack of communing with him was not a conscious decision. It just kind of happened, and now I cannot stop. I cannot will myself to say anything when he is around. He quite literally s**** the life out of the room. if he’s there I cannot enjoy myself. When he’s around I just shut down. it s****.

My parents are going to blame me if christmas goes wrong. it really shouldn’t be my fault if even the tiniest thing can set this man off. the tiniest thing, has him screaming in a person’s face for an hour straight, calling them the most vile things, threatening violence, etc.

Why should I sacrifice my stability and joy for this manchild who gaslit our mother into believing she’s an alcoholic (Fun fact, she is not)

I just want to enjoy tomorrow. is that so much to ask?

New Confession

Ex wife refused her punishment. Let s** coach/coordinator know. He was very disappointed in me but told me to let things blow over and he will convince the other married men i kneel for to start coming around again as long as my ex wife stops coming over. Understandably they dont like the risk od her showing up unannounced wanting to see me on my knees again. But he said he and or his son would start visiting my mouth again soon as long as i agreed to changing locks on house and shed where i orally service them. I agreed and he and his son came over with new locks and we divided and conquered changing the locks (without any time on my knees). They told me they had talked and would find another woman to take the son’s virginity with women. They told me that they were telling me this for two reasons. So that my place if i was willing would be the safe space for the son to experience a woman. Father and son also agreed that that experience should be something that the son experience both me and the woman, and then the woman separately, so that the son could decide his own preferences. The father also said that he would like to use my place to put female candidates thru their paces to select the right woman for his son,’s first experiences with a woman. The father even said he was sorry for having to punish me so severely but he did it because i was responsible for bringing my ex wife into all this and putting all the neighborhood hisbands i kneel for at risk. He even said that while he did not see it being the same woman he eventually selects for his son, he was willing to find a female FWB for me to replace my ex wife and told me he understood how it all happened but that i would be happier in the long run without the insane toxicity of my ex being the outlet for my heterosexual side. I have not heard from ex wife since the attempt to convince her to take her punishment for her contribution to the issue and idk when i will hear from her next.

Related Confessions

Ex wife refused her punishment. Let s** coach/coordinator know. He was very disappointed in me but told me to let things blow over and he will convince the other married men i kneel for to start coming around again as long as my ex wife stops coming over. Understandably they dont like the risk od her showing up unannounced wanting to see me on my knees again. But he said he and or his son would start visiting my mouth again soon as long as i agreed to changing locks on house and shed where i orally service them. I agreed and he and his son came over with new locks and we divided and conquered changing the locks (without any time on my knees). They told me they had talked and would find another woman to take the son’s virginity with women. They told me that they were telling me this for two reasons. So that my place if i was willing would be the safe space for the son to experience a woman. Father and son also agreed that that experience should be something that the son experience both me and the woman, and then the woman separately, so that the son could decide his own preferences. The father also said that he would like to use my place to put female candidates thru their paces to select the right woman for his son,’s first experiences with a woman. The father even said he was sorry for having to punish me so severely but he did it because i was responsible for bringing my ex wife into all this and putting all the neighborhood hisbands i kneel for at risk. He even said that while he did not see it being the same woman he eventually selects for his son, he was willing to find a female FWB for me to replace my ex wife and told me he understood how it all happened but that i would be happier in the long run without the insane toxicity of my ex being the outlet for my heterosexual side. I have not heard from ex wife since the attempt to convince her to take her punishment for her contribution to the issue and idk when i will hear from her next.