We've been best-friends for a long, long time - I've helped them through a lot of bullshit that online fandoms have put them through, helped them with

5 years

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We’ve been best-friends for a long, long time – I’ve helped them through a lot of b******* that online fandoms have put them through, helped them with self-harming problems, etc. you get the gist of things by this extent, and they’ve returned the favour, helping me out with my own stuff as well. We’ve shipped our characters, that was nothing new.

This was all during COVID, and prior to that, I had an ex-boyfriend, with our relationship… not ending in the best of terms, and one of the contributing factors was that I was beginning to have dreams of my best-friend, and f***, use your imagination for this one, it feels so wrong. So, so f****** wrong to have feelings for them like that.

We’re just best-friends. Right?

And not to mention, my previous experiences with love – one guy said he hated me for having a simple high-school crush on him, the other one turned out to be a f****** prank, and this one, who I thought was the one, was poison and I couldn’t connect with…

So, while life passes by, we continue talking as normal, I kept those feelings in the back-corner – I didn’t want to ruin our relationship, and plus, knowing the s*** others had put them through, I wouldn’t want them to suffer my own burdens. And so, here we are today – we were having a conversation in their server, as per normal, and then…

She announces she has a BF who confessed to her on her birthday. Good for them.
Just wishing that those feelings didn’t accumulated overtime, now I have to go back and try to get rid of them again, try to repress them but they’ll eventually resurface and I’m back at square-one again. I’m stupid, so f****** stupid for thinking that it was even possible to be together, they’re fantasties, not reality, although, I can fantasise through the shipping roleplays we do with our characters.

It’s not the best compestation, but it’s the best I’ll get.

This is so, so sad.
A sad life of a gremlin, who writes this on a laptop screen hahahahaha…

TDLR: Best-friend, who I have a strong crush on, has a BF and I just want to rot.

New Confession

The loneliness the pain. the regret. the sadness. the depression. It doesn’t get better. worst year in a long time…with 3 months left I doubt I can right the ship.

Related Confessions

Ex wife refused her punishment. Let s** coach/coordinator know. He was very disappointed in me but told me to let things blow over and he will convince the other married men i kneel for to start coming around again as long as my ex wife stops coming over. Understandably they dont like the risk od her showing up unannounced wanting to see me on my knees again. But he said he and or his son would start visiting my mouth again soon as long as i agreed to changing locks on house and shed where i orally service them. I agreed and he and his son came over with new locks and we divided and conquered changing the locks (without any time on my knees). They told me they had talked and would find another woman to take the son’s virginity with women. They told me that they were telling me this for two reasons. So that my place if i was willing would be the safe space for the son to experience a woman. Father and son also agreed that that experience should be something that the son experience both me and the woman, and then the woman separately, so that the son could decide his own preferences. The father also said that he would like to use my place to put female candidates thru their paces to select the right woman for his son,’s first experiences with a woman. The father even said he was sorry for having to punish me so severely but he did it because i was responsible for bringing my ex wife into all this and putting all the neighborhood hisbands i kneel for at risk. He even said that while he did not see it being the same woman he eventually selects for his son, he was willing to find a female FWB for me to replace my ex wife and told me he understood how it all happened but that i would be happier in the long run without the insane toxicity of my ex being the outlet for my heterosexual side. I have not heard from ex wife since the attempt to convince her to take her punishment for her contribution to the issue and idk when i will hear from her next.