Trigger warning: self harm

I stopped cutting in winter 2018-19. I was really proud and I thought I beat depression. The following fall, I tried cutting again and it really hurt, it didn’t feel good like it did before. Fast forward to tonight. My final exams start in a few days, I can’t afford to pay for university after next semester and have no job or romantic relationships. I’ve never finished a course with a grade lower than 72, but I think I’m going to finish one with a 60. It’s nothing to be upset over but it wasn’t even a hard class, I knew the material. I cut again, and the pain was amazing. It was like before I quit. I couldn’t stop at one line, I did it 5 more. I’m not suicidal or anything, I don’t know why I did it, a 60 isn’t terrible and I have the summer to work. It was like I couldn’t stop myself or that I didn’t want to.