I am not in serious danger, but I feel like my health is quite bad. I am bad at relaying information. I just want to know someone else is out there.
I guess good luck to everybody. I need help =/
The best way I can try to describe this situation I am in, it is like my Dad is too busy with work, my Mom for some reason has a difficult time understanding the basic facts of my circumstances. If my Mom gets frustrated with me, my Dad basically just reassures her and everything I tried to tell them goes out the window. If I try to talk to my Dad, he just gets upset and “pushes me away.” I guess he gave up on me a long time ago I am not sure.
I think maybe they are just overwhelmed. But, I feel like what is happening to me is not right but at the same time, basically what I have, people would see it as a mental illness. Once you say those words mental illness, to other people I feel, you are dead to them. You aren’t an actual human being at that point.
I don’t go to doctors or anything.
From what I can tell, yes, I have some issues obviously. I seem to have some issues on some level with depression, anxiety, borderline personality, OCD type stuff maybe.
I feel like that part of me, is what it is. I can deal with it with experience and different medicines and lifestyle choices, regular exercise, and things like this.
I am sensitive to chemicals and certain foods. If I get a reaction, it is like this “inflammation” type of feeling that takes a while to go away, maybe like a headache kind of. But while it happens I am basically just curling up into a ball, going, ow, ow, ow, ow. Luckily, I find that if I can find out what might be giving me a reaction, I can try to do something about it. Like, my shirt might be a little dirty, and it is giving me a reaction. Could be something on my skin. An item in the room. If it is something I ate, I just have to kind of wait it out. I smoke weed to help with the inflammation and mood. If the problem is like a dirty shirt or something, I can just take it off, and take a shower to clean myself off and the whole “process” of the pain goes away.
So I guess on some level I understand I don’t think this stuff is really causing damage, but I seem to react to it everytime.
In the past I noticed my intestine issues would get worse the more stressed out I was. So I would eat like a banana and some cereal, if I was stressed out for a day or so, and I ate the food, my digestion would be awful and I would get like IBS symptoms. When another time I would be relaxed and calm and the symptoms wouldn’t really be there.
Little things set me off. The wind. The sound of a clock ticking. A loud sound. It’s like it scratches a wound inside of me. Right now the wind is blowing hard and my door is like moving back and forth from the air pressure or wind moving through the room. Like, the door is shut, but within the frame it is like, I don’t know how to describe, this is where I suck at describing things. The door is like shaking and banging within the frame I don’t know how to say it. But, difficult to think and process things right now.
But ya, little things like this happen, and I basically become like a 2nd grader. I am going to try and end this as it is too painful to attempt to concentrate and too painful to try to keep thinking, I know this makes no sense, be glad that it doesn’t for you. It still doesn’t make sense to me but it seems to be the case all the time. I want to keep thinking, and keep typing, but my mind I just can’t think new ideas. It is difficult to describe while it is happening, that is a part of it I think. It is like confusion on a level. Anyhow, sorry, don’t waste any more of your time reading this shit, good night and good luck. Sorry if this is all retarded.