Don’t get me wrong when I type this, my current spouse is amazing and I love them with all my heart.. But there are times when I see you pop on my feed on social media and my heart wrenches. There are times when I think I am 100% over you, that we are both better without each other, and then other times I know I’m not.. In ways I am happy for both of you; for finally finding someone that can make you smile and feel things I couldn’t give you, even if I did try my best for you. I have dreams sometimes about us; sometimes your S/O is there and I am a jealous little s***, and other times it’s just us and I get to feel what it would be like to try again. We weren’t the best for each other though, I know that, especially now. You hurt me and I hurt you. Though I try to remember these things it feels impossible at times to keep my emotions in check; so I did what I could to block your feeds, your words, your happiness.. despite my attempts you still stumble into my mind and make me sit up at night thinking about the things that could have happened. How you could be marrying me instead, how you could be the mother of my children, how we could have a real life with someone who understands the parts of us that we couldn’t share with others. Well, until now.
In the end I know you are happy and that is what counts. I love my spouse with all my heart and would probably never truly leave them, no matter what happened.. But I still in my heart know that I love you, and you were my one who got away.
Congrats on the engagement. I won’t say it you in person or over text, it’s better if I stayed a ghost of your past, but I do wish you both happiness and long lives. Someday I hope you don’t haunt my dreams, and that I can truly let you go. I hope you think of me fondly now, like I do about you.