I’m still fighting my base impulses and demons but I think I’m starting to regain control. Healing is slow and messy and painful but I feel so much lighter. My legs arent shaking and my ocd, depression, and bpd is finally under control. It took losing everything to finally admit I needed help. It doesn’t matter what happens, ill be ok. Im trying so hard to change but its f****** hard. I want to bring less pain into this world. I’m tired of misery. I don’t like the way the high from anger feels anymore. Its not fun or empowering anymore. Its shameful and embarrassing to be so addicted to a person who was never mine to begin with. But despite everything that’s happened, despite the fact I should be completely emotionally defeated, I have hope, confidence, and love for myself for the first time in over ten years. I’ve never felt more human. I’m not hiding from my sins anymore. I’m not afraid anymore. As long as I’m still breathing, its never f****** over. And I’m doing it for me this time. It doesn’t matter what happens, ill adapt.