I need to stop this. I will eventually be detrimental to everybody, including her and I love her more than anything else. I love every second I’m with her, I love waking up in the morning, telling her that she’s loved and valued. Platonically, sadly.
My feelings extend more than that as our friendship grew, something blossomed within me, something that I never thought I’d feel again. I never expected my face to go red whenever we battle each other with compliments, she would always win and I can’t help to feel my heart thumping faster and faster. The last dream I had was me floating above her sleeping, panicking, I tried to move away, well that obviously failed, so I just…
Relaxed, lied on her bed where she was sleeping, cuddling her. Her touch, it was driving me insane. Soft, so soft – but we haven’t even met. She lives in the USA, New York, the citylife everybody dreams of and I’m down under, stuck in a country whose state and government are at each other’s throats. I love every moment I send time with her, I love everytime I talk to her online, I love being in a VC with her talking about her hobbies, anything, as long as I heard her voice, it was enough to brighten up my day.
Even if she fumbles up with her spelling sometimes, it was enough for me to laugh for a good cause. She’s the sun. I know the troubles she’s been through, a parasite clinging to her arm, guilt-tripping her constantly, making her self-harming problems worst, feeling like she was always walking on eggshells. I’m unable to forgive that person for doing that to her because she worries about becoming like them but I always tell her that I will ALWAYS be there for her.
Never a lie.
“I don’t deserve you.”
You do.
It is I who doesn’t deserve you.
At the end of the day, I’m just an girl from down under. With a failing relationship (that I seriously need to call it off), failing highschool as of late, a ruined real-life friendship group that’s filled with drama and ignorance, along with an toxic enviroment. Someone who hides behind a screen, doing nothing more than roleplays, but roleplaying with you has made my days better.
Nothing good comes out of being brought up in poison.
For those who just skipped to the end:
I just have an bad crush on my best friend. That is all.
And if you know who you are.
I love you.
I really do…
But do what you’ve got to do for now, okay? <3
Because I'll always have your back, friend, lover or enemy or whatever you percieve of me.
