I just don’t think I want to be alive anymore. My autism impairs me to the point where forming relationships is difficult and maintaining them is impossible. It completely ruins my quality of life, and school has gotten worse and worse. My performance is poor and I’m nothing more than a class friend to people. My best friend is burdened by my existence, I know they’d rather not hang out with me at all. I’m a chore for them, an obligation because their parents like me.
Maybe I might be a massive waste of potential, maybe I could change if I tried hard enough, but I don’t see the point in trying to do anything other than rot in my bedroom. If these are the best years of my life – what are the rest going to be like? Some days I don’t think I even want to know anymore. I don’t think I could put myself through that humanely.
