I feel like I’m falling for the same guy again. I’m a 18 Yr old dude and I feel like I can have my way with both boys, and girls. Of course none knows but I feel like that one boy has seen through me… All its all just in my head. We kind of fell out from being friends but I now know that he is not just another face in the croud, he is the only face. The only face I want to look at. The only one that matters. When we were friends he was very touchy and open-soft with me,even though he tries to be a badman bc of his friends and stuff. He is brainwashed to be like them, to put it bluntly. Maybe he just does it cause he wants to hide who he really is since he did tell me a couple of times “none know me completely” and stuff which brought this theory to my head but if it’s true why would he say that and risk his love? He is very shy about it, if he actually feels like that that is, but I am too. Most of the time he looked at my lips when we spoke and he tried to get my attention ALL the time either from barging in a conversation I had of by saying something that he knew would trigger me. But now it’s different. We haven’t spoken in months and I can’t even tell if he looks at me from a far anymore (he did that,yes). Today he uploaded a story on Insta with some girl and he put a teddy bear emoji and honestly I didn’t care at first bc I wanted this distance. To get over him. I felt like it was all in my head and that was very unhealthy for me. I was partly over him but now it’s the only thing I think about and I’m not as hurt as I would be if I didn’t distance myself, but I do feel this heavy weight on my chest. Should I try again or keep distancing myself from him. (if you read all this, wow, thanks. I just wrote literally almost everything cause I believe strangers give the e St advice. Anyway, my dearest love to you all Kings and Queens)
