TW:suicide self harm
last night I attempted and instead of leaving this world I woke up too my mom yelling at me went downstairs for breakfast and got called lazy and that I needed to stop trying and just get up off my a** and do it my mother is a photographer and she asked me to do some phtos for her but I had to reject her proposal because my arms are covered in fresh cuts and they dont know she yelled at me for being selfish and bratty I worked from 7:30-6:00 almost 12 hours and my father called it half assed and refuses me contact with my friends but what does that matter anyway my friends wont talk to me or invite me anywhere they didnt tell me about my bestfriend moving her party a week earlier they didn’t even invite me to the highschool football game I sat alone in my room waiting for a text back and my bestfriend hasnt talked to me in weeks cause he thinks I made a bad impression on his parents but I feel offended every single time I go over too his home I bring his family food I thank them everytime before leaving and im going through the hardest time of my life and cant even get a “hello” I dont want to rant to my friends about how I feel never would never will all I want to feel is that they want to talk to me but my bestfriend of 11 years wont even reply…im not searching for pity or having self pity I just want to do the things teenagers are supposed to do I dont want to feel so lonley that I cant even talk to my friends when im feeling like ending it last night I called 911 just so I didnt have to die alone the lady on the phone was the closest thing I have had to a friend in a long time and when I hung up before passing out I felt just as alone as ever not even my parents noticed me on the floor of my room I had to crawl my way to the bathroom and run cold water over my face and vomitted my guts out for hours I hate the idea that if I did die last night that people would show up to my funeral like they didnt pretend I was already dead when I was alive.
