Gotta get this s*** off my chest…

I was a dumbass, and I had an affair. We are both married. I was treated like s*** most of the time, because he was a real narcissist. He constantly lied to me, made me feel like he cared, said he loved me, etc. It was a b*******. A f****** joke.

When it started, I was going through a very hard time personally, and wasnt in my correct mind, at all. He knew this. He sweet talked me, gave me his number, said he’d be there for me anytime. I knew it was going in the wrong direction, but continued with my b*******, even when it kept me from sleeping at night. Told me his wife refused to f*** him. I believed him at first, until I caught him in his first lie. I never believed s*** he said afterwards. I was stupid, and selfish. I regret what I did, wish I could take it back.

After we became intimate, he would only want to do certain s***** things. He’d never want to have vaginal s**, Ive always assumed thats the only way his wife would f*** him. I didnt believe his wife didnt f*** him. She made him feel inferior to her, and he can’t be himself in front of her. He wears a mask in front of her, and the other people he in their circle.

He treated me like s***. He would lovebomb me one day, and ignore me the next. He’d have every opportunity to see me, but chose to avoid me. Hed sit on the phone with me talking about f****** for an hour, but avoided me. He wouldnt end things, and I didn’t want to because I knew he’d look like the victim, and me the bad guy. He was no victim. This went on for 6 months.

He finally ended things and although I was angry at myself for f****** around, like a dumbass, I chocked it up to, I deserved the s***. I decided to move on with my life. I was sad, because I’d talked to him everyday for nearly a year, then p***, he was gone. I threw everything I had that had any reminder of him away. I was done.

One week later, he texted me again. I hesitated to reply, but did. It was back and forth between us, no apology for anything, but him saying it was hard. I expressed sadness, and he went quiet again, for a week. I was done with the bs this time. He acted concerned about my family. I ignored his texts, and he eventually saw that I was ignoring him, and unfriended him. I guess the loss of control over his puppet made him pissed.

After a week and a half passed, he messages me once again, and I answer like a dumbass. He suggests meeting, which I regretfully ended up doing. He talks to me, almost saying word for word, everything I ever wanted to hear him say. Laid it on thick, and the affair started back up again after one week. Literally, one month after he’d ended things, he was all over me, again. I was so stupid. Totally fucked my life up. If he wouldve stopped reaching out,it wouldnt have started. It was pressure, and I was a dumbass. I knew he was a liar, but wanted to believe him. He was everything I have ever wanted out of a man my entire life.

The same issues began shortly after the affair started again. Constantly talking about his exes, one he was totally obsessed with. Making me feel like a prostitute whom he used for free. I was also a p******** w**** he got to use and tell his disgusting s***** sin to. He fucked around with his wife’s grown daughter. I didnt know this until the end, btw. His wife found out he was cheating, and confronted me. Of course, he said to me when I told him about it…dont say a word….she only suspects….B*******. I knew this woman caught his a**. It was what I deserved, and I told my husband. I caught the full storm head on, too. Again, totally deserved it. His wife, though, was lead to believe that he was just an innocent bystander. He was taken advantage of by a 20 year younger woman. What the f*** ever! Even if his wife knew he was f****** her daughter, she’d never believe it. She is so terribly deceived by him, its pathetic. Makes me sick to think of his manipulative s*** with me, and I know he told her some b*******.

So, he goes dead quiet after the affair is discovered. I never said a word to him, and I wouldn’t have anyway. Not after the s*** he told me about his w**** step daughter who he fucked with. Then suddenly, 4 and a half months go by…he sends an accidental text to my phone. I never replied, and deleted it. Another month goes by, he accidentally fb messages me a punctuation mark. I never reply, and delete it. I get 2 blocked numbers the next month, I never replied. Then, suddenly, I get another fb message a month later. He apologized and I never replied. I deleted it. Im full no contact with him. I’ll not be lured into the same stupid s*** ever again.

It was all deception. He was a tool. He was temptation to lure me into sin, and because I was a dumbass, I sinned. I regret my stupidity, and have repented of it. My husband deserves a better wife, and I’d like to say his wife deserves a better husband, but this is her third time marrying for money. She and him both are deserving of each other. I hope they have a long marriage that never ends.