i'm not gonna lie, but every time i see a mother who's actually loving to her children, who doesn't scream at them, who doesn't hit them, who's actually

5 years

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i’m not gonna lie, but every time i see a mother who’s actually loving to her children, who doesn’t scream at them, who doesn’t hit them, who’s actually concerned whenever her children has a problem or gets hurt, who didn’t abandon them

it hurts

because why can’t my mom be like that? why is my stepmom so hurtful towards us?

and why is my dad letting his wife get away with hurting us?

i’m a f****** adult now

i turned 18 a few weeks ago

if nothing changes

i don’t want to stick around anymore

but somehow i still depend on my dad

my friends say he’s intentionally making me codependent on him

and that i need to get out of this place soon

i want to be better, i want to heal, i can’t do that in the same place where i got hurt so badly

New Confession

i tried nitrous for the first time last week, on his birthday. it was kind of underwhelming. i think i already have a tolerance from past ketamine abuse since it acts on the same receptors

i am thinking of doing ketamine again. i do it every few months or so now. im tired of snorting lines though and ive been thinking a lot about injecting it again. IV is like a dream, but apparently its easy to “pass out” before you can take the needle out of your arm, so im worried about taking really high doses. IM takes a little more time, but it leaves you with muscle pain for a few days wherever you shoot it up.

ive had a plate of lines sitting in my room for like a month now. itd be easiest to do those, i just hate the long 12 hour comedown when i take enough for a k hole….

Related Confessions

I haven’t decided whether to record my exit strategy. This helium-based strategy isn’t particularly gory, so I think it’d be suitable for recording. If it can be of benefit to the medical research community then I feel like it’d be a good thing to do. During one of my “test” attempts, I found that I subconsciously ripped the bag off my head. I will need to remedy this by cuffing my hands to a sturdy frame, and then turning on the gas. You did this, Fiserv.