⚠️TW: mentions of self h*rm and s*icide. please take care of yourself.⚠️

both of my sisters are horrible to me and disrespect me continuously and have since we were children and i have never known why. ive only ever been kind to them but they both seem to hate me. i can’t remember the last time either one of them has apologized to me without being forced and i cant properly talk to either of them. this has been going on for years and years.

it isnt just sibling rivalry or small disagreements, they treat me like ive done something horrible to them. im closer to one of my sisters, but without warning she snaps at me and even abandons me in public. the other sister won’t even look at me. im partly to blame, though, as ive been rude to her in response to her unfair behavior to me so i understand why we simply don’t associate with each other.

i highly suspect myself to have one or multiple mental illnesses and or a spectrum disorder of some sort and moving out is nearly impossible as of now, and im reaching my breaking point. ive begun to harm myself recently and my sister’s relentless horrible treatment only makes this horrible habit show itself even more.

i believe they both know that i struggle with being depressed, but im not sure. the only one who has proven to care about me in my household is my mom, but even then i still have strong urges to do bad things to myself and frequently fantasize about ending my life because everything is too much.

it hurts. i just want to disappear or grow wings and fly away.
im working on seeing a therapist. im not okay, but i will be eventually.