in preschool when i was 5 i had a substitute teacher for about two weeks. he said he loved his students and he would always be there for them. i always looked up to my teachers and hearing him say this made me believe his words. when he said that he loved his students i didnt think that it would be a s***** love. why would i think that anyways i was only 5. i regret making the decision to stay in for after school hours with him. its funny how ine decision can shatter your entire childhood and add more trauma. i always had an off feeling about it. he told me he was going to play with me like a doctor. i didnt believe him when he said this though because i had been to the doctors many times and they never hurt me nor touched me the way he did. it took me up until 5th grade s** ed class to realize i had gotten s******* assaulted by him. i never thought much of it before 5th grade even though i had an off feeling about it. i mean i said it was okay at first so why would it matter right? it still pains me today and im now 14. i feel horrible and my parents dont even know about it. my four friends know and thats it. its sad because i actually liked him when he came to substitute my class. he drew funny drawings for everyone and made weird stuff with magnet toys. i liked the way he comforted me when i was crying about how a boy hurt me. he comforted me when a boy bullied me and made me cry but didnt stop when i was crying into the palm of hands as he muffled me begging him to please stop. i told him it hurts multiple times. i tried screaming but my cries were covered by the hand of a man who said he was always there for his students. a man who had kids of his own and a wife he talked about in class to his students. a man who took my innocence. i try to lie myself into thinking it never happened. it drives me insane. i know it was about 8-9 years since it happened and sometimes i question whether or not im crazy for thinking that. deep in my heart i know it happened but for whatever reason it still makes me insane for thinking about it
