• 2 weeks ago

I’m tired of living my life for other people. I care so much of what other people think of me. I have two parents and they both want me to do different things and it’s stressing me out. I don’t want to disappoint anyone. Caring about others can be a curse. I just want one year. One year where I can fucking focus solely on what I want to do. I don’t want anyone’s judgment straining my back. I don’t want to think of other people. I wish I had that ability, to just not care at all what other’s expect of me. The only reason I’m living is so I don’t upset anyone by leaving this world by my own accord. I can’t bring myself to leave because I care too much about the pain they’ll feel when I’m gone. I’m practically doublethink. I also feel like at the same time, all they’ll think when they remember me is how I never accomplished anything in my life. Is how I had these really big almost impossible dreams but I couldn’t pull through cause I’m a weakling. I’m fucking lazy and stupid and really 90% of my problems come from myself being this way. I’m late on assignments. I’m supposed to graduate from high school in 2 weeks and I’m far behind on my work so how I gonna show up to graduation and stand proud on the stage? How?
I’m upset and i’m sick of crying. I’m sick of feeling sad. I’m sick of lying to my family and friends, telling them I’m ok so they don’t know how lazy I actually am. So they don’t figure out that I’m actually a terrible person.