I asked my therapist why my girlfriend doesn’t want to move in with me and this was his response:
“It doesn’t mean anything for your relationship.There is no expectation that you’re girlfriend must move in with you. Not now, not in a month, not even in five years. If she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t have to.Does this mean that your relationship has failed and you have to give up? No. It would be silly to even assume as much.Your relationship is exactly the same as it was yesterday, before you asked her to move in with you. Now, are you going to go out and continue being the best boyfriend you can be and enjoy the time you two have together? Or are you going to let this silly little thing fester inside your own head until you ruin the relationship for yourself?”
Respectfully I told him his thought process was idiotic. What is the point of being in a relationship with someone long term if they don’t want to take the next step? I’ve been with my girlfriend for over 9 years, and it seems like she always has an excuse. My therapist then asked me “What type of partner I am? Are you controlling? Are you always expecting s**? Do you try to initiate s** every chance you get; for example when she wears certain type of underwear, when she gets out of the shower? Can she even change in front of you without you staring at her like a piece of meat? Do you expect her to cook for you daily? She may look at the way you treat your own home and feel like its not compatible with her living situation”
To be honest I am guilty of a few things he mentioned on in his list of questions, but isn’t this what happens when couples live apart? If we move in with each other these thoughts and habits will go away and if not, she can simply break up with me. Doc, I feel like this is an on going cycle, we’ve been doing a run around for 9 years, regardless if its good or bad we need to take a step. Then he interrupts me and says-“Would you move in with someone who had problems? I said No….”Exactly, so if you have all these insensitive behaviors, why do you expect her to just move in with you”. You haven’t even tried to change and your making it seem like she is the problem. Also, It seems like you have an excuse for everything, If I mention something you don’t agree with you respond defensivly. What if there is no answer not everything deserves a response.”
I know…I know , but what am I suppose to do?
“Think more about her and take your own personal feeling out of it. You can’t expect someone to comply with your needs if you don’t display good intentions.”