I have trust issues. I never realized until recently how bad they are. It’s like I want to find out everything so I don’t get hurt. And I feel so betrayed by something so stupid that it’s eating me up inside. So what is this really about, I ask myself. It’s about safety. Feeling like you are no longer safe because you didn’t tell me something, because you effortlessly hid it. This wouldn’t rattle most people so much. But we have a history, like how you just stopped touching me and letting me touch you. How you kissed her and didn’t tell me until I asked. You just shut me out instead of talking. You say you don’t know what’s wrong with you, and you cried. But it’s been too long for me to pity this anymore. Either you share with me or you don’t. Either that, or I don’t share anymore either and we will drift apart like before. Of course I don’t want that. But I’m tired of feeling stupid. I’m tired of boring people, telling people things they don’t care about because I feel like it’s going to draw us closer. It doesn’t. No one cares and that is fine. If you don’t like feeling shut out just come talk to me for once. But you won’t. Your biggest problem is that you don’t ever try. You don’t even try to try. You just let everything slip through your fingers and rot. I’m not going to save us this time. You need to make the first move.
