im in love with you. or i think i am. im not sure how being in love really feels like – im still too young to be sure. but its the strongest emotion ive ever felt for another human – and its directed towards you. its been almost five years. with each day you become even more incredible than the day before. youre simply perfect. it hurts so bad. im happy that youve found happiness with someone else, dont get me wrong. i never had a chance with you. you were incredible and i was never good enough for you. but you cant blame me for falling in love with you. your soul is one of a kind. your beauty is out of this world. you as a whole are something that cannot be described. oh how i wish i was in this boy’s place. how i wish i could get to hold you and call you mine. we were never gonna work out – we’re just not a good match. i know that, but it doesnt make it any better. it still hurts like s***. like my heart has been ripped from my chest. like im empty. im sad. im really sad. i want to cry. i dont know how im gonna look you in the eye from now on. im a terrible person. i shouldve never even befriended you. you deserve so much better than an idiot like me. im so sorry. i wish i could be a better person for you. i hope you know you can cut me out of your life any day. i understand. im not good enough. im not a good person. im not a good friend. im boring. bad. empty. jealous. selfish. gross. just bad overall. im a mess, and in the worst way possible. im sorry for any pain ive caused you. im sorry you have to put up with me. i know you do it only because of the goodness of your heart. its always made a spark of hope light up in me. but no more now. its painful. i dont know what to do. i want to have you. but i cant. i want you to know how incredibly much i love you and how much i wish i could show you that. but its whatever. i love you so, so much, yana.
