I cut myself at least 4 times a week, and know one knows. Im still a teenager and started in 6th grade. I’ve had suicidal thoughts so many times asking why can’t I choose when I die? I have friends who I can talk to but I always over think things. What if they don’t like me? Will they think I just want attention? Have I not done enough? When I cut sometime I don’t even cry, it’s almost like it’s a scheduled thing. I don’t really fell it anymore. It doesn’t give me that feeling anymore. Ya it hurts but sometimes it’s not enough. I have lied so many times and covered for my self but still no one knows. Sometimes I try not to hide the scars so someone asks me but when and if they do, I still lie. At school I’m known for the outgoing girl who’s athletic, smart and happy, but I’m not. When my coach points me out or yells at me I get so scared, she thinks I don’t care because of my expression but I’m trying not to brake down in tears in front of her. I’m not that important to anyone, I’m not famous, no one absolutely needs me to live so what’s the point. If no one cares then why not. There are billions of people on this earth and one me, will anyone notice? No, they won’t. My parents might be sad but there 2 people in this world who makes low income and are irrelevant. I love the feeling off something cutting me, I hate waking up in the morning, it’s so hard trying to take care of my self.I’m an ugly, self centered teenager who only cares about themselves. I’m bratty and want things my way. I’m the loudest of my family and most annoying. I hate being alone but I hate being around other people. Death is something happy and peaceful, a soul living it’s body and moving on from it’s last life and starting over, maybe even staying in what you dreamed of. It’s not that bad. I can’t just keep leaving scars on my body so why just end it. All I ask is to have a peaceful, warm life. But I don’t even get that.