Oh I forgot to mention. (While psychotic) I meant to say I never wanted to harm anyone in my family. I was angry only at those who had abused me . I wanted to kill them . God knows i was in sooo much pain . I lashed out . I was full of hate . I really am surprised I survived that time in my life .

If I had access to a gun and knew my abusers ? I don’t think I would have behaved any different than you. Only difference? My mind was erased . I had no memory . It’s just gone. So that’s a truthism I had to learn to accept and learn the truth of the serenity prayer .

So you aren’t so different than me .. I truly hope you heal.