Hi, it’s Maya here. Let me share my thoughts with you and rant a little bit. This post might be longer and also English isn’t my first language but I feel a need to relieve myself of these thoughts.

Namely, I’m searching Instagram right now and I’ve come across many profiles of girls that openly show their bodies, publish almost p*** images and seek intimate encounters. They usually hide their real identity, of course. As you know, I lost my virginity at the age of 23 to my ill ex-boxfriend from a village far away. He is neither a rich nor a handsome guy, but he has a good heart and he’s a caring person. I don’t regret the fact that we had s**. Therefore I’ve been a virgin for a long time until then. I couldn’t exactly f*** around, because everybody knows my family and I was raised with good values.

Now, there are lots of men who want s** from us girls but when the time comes for them to get themselves a wife, they only want to marry a virgin girl (at least in my culture). The other day an older guy asked me whether I was a virgin or not by asking me, “Have you done anything with your ex BF, or do you value honesty, virtue?” The same day that he contacted me on Instagram, hoping to go out with me. This made me angry, especially given the fact that we know each other from sight, we hadn’t been on a date yet. I’m not talking about some random online guy here, but someone who knows I come from an honest family. Of course he wanted a virgin wife-to-be, and he had to ask me if I was a virgin right away, before we’ve even been on a proper date, which was way too early and came across as an improper gesture. Had he been younger, I suppose he’d just f*** me (if I let him) and then leave me.

Now back to the topic of marriage and s**. When men do marry these “pure” women, they often cheat on them and complain of their alleged frigidity. However if a girl wants to have some fun before marriage or even shows a little more s***** urge than usual, she’s labeled a s***/w****, and there is a small possibility she’ll ever find a partner for a serious relationship. At least that’s what my mom tells me; she grew up in a small town and she’s an elderly woman. She’d like to see me living a happy and secure life with my future husband and kids before she dies (she’s very old, gave birth to me in her later years).

It’s so unfair and I hate this double standard. To be honest, I’m torn between my parents’ wishes and expectations, and my s***** urge which I can neither fight nor control anymore. Maybe one day people will call me a s*** as well, since someone probably has a video of me having s** with my ex when we were caught in action. But what I do know is that I did it with a man I loved, also I love s** but I am a good and worthy young woman.