CW: Self harm, eating disorders

I thought self harm was a safer option than purging behavior. About a month ago I was drunk and cut too deep. I bled slowly for hours. I could have (should have?) died. I passed out trying to use to toilet and hit my head on the floor. It took three days before I could stand without feeling tired and dizzy, a week before I could do my normal stuff without feeling absolutely exhausted. I can’t tell anyone about it because they’ll freak out. But it was BAD.
My partner saw it all and two weeks later is back to treating me like all is well. Don’t know what to do with that, either. They mean well, but empathy is not a strong skill in their family. But as I’m trying hard to take this as the BLATANT warning it is, it’s tiring to see them default to “normal” asap.

TLDR: My self harm nearly killed me and I am shook and I have nobody to whom I can talk about the fact that my self harm coulda killed me.

OMG and the WORST is I still want to harm. F****ing WHEEE!