f*** autism. the tests and docs say I dont have it. But I have some crippling aspects of it. Most people are either more playful or more serious than me. I cant relate. The only people that have called me out on my awkward expression, have been random Black strangers. I thank and bless them. Most people in my white self-congrarulating business world avoid me socially. People look at me less enthusiastically when I start talking to them. My nonverbal must be saying, “I want your approval. Show me where to start!” and they run for cover. I have always felt alone. I have done some quite inconsiderate s***. I feel worse than a snob. I am a snob wannabe. f*** autism or whatever this is