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a pain
6 years
x
416 Views

Hi Loki, it’s been 3.5 years since I last saw you huh, crazy right? Time flies..I know you’ll probably never read this but I’m writing this just to let out my feelings.. That obviously I can’t share with you. Well love is a strong word still, I’m crazy enough right now to say that I love you. I wish I could just say that to you and it’ll all be alright, but it ain’t that easy,cuz I know you don’t love me. I’m not saying that I’m thinking about you all day and dreaming about you every night but there was definitely a time when I did.. That time has gone now,and it hurts me when I remember it, I don’t know why.. But the butterflies don’t last forever,do they? Back then,I so wanted to spend time with you,know you better and just like BE with you but I don’t know it’s just weird. You’re quite a player aren’t you, everyone knows that and there was a time when you were that sweet and shy guy..I liked him. But you aren’t that guy anymore, you’ve become the “all-ladies-want-me” kinda player guy. It’s not bad, times change and we should all change with it. I still like you,but now… I’m scared, that you won’t care about my feelings if I told you, you won’t like me,and I won’t be special to you, I’ll be just another girl who has “fallen for you”..Do you get it?Maybe not..huh😅What you probably don’t know is I have loved you for too long ,as long as I can remember it has always been you, I’ve had a few crushes but they were just, infatuations. I’ve fallen in love with just one person and that person is you.. It’s just that I’ve become do used to with hiding my feelings for you that I even trick myself with it sometimes. I’m scared,scared to lose you
Even if it’s just imaginary and all in my head, at least I have something with you I don’t want to take risk and ruin it, you know why, because I searched for it,looked for any signs that maybe,a tiny part of you loves me too? But guess what, I couldn’t find it!I couldn’t!!! You’ve moved on,maybe all I am to you is just a background noise,a memory. YOU DO NOT LOVE ME,and I know it. Sometimes it pains me a lot,to talk to you,so I don’t…

New Confession

My wife knew i was a recovering s** addict when we dated, when we married, and knew that it stemmed from childhood maternal molestation many years ago. She knows i will not act out, that i love her too much to do that to her, and she knows to the degree any non s** addict can how exhausting the onslaught of compulsive intrusive s***** thoughts are. But she still rejects my sincere well motivated desire for surgical or chemical castration and i cannot understand why. We have a platonic relationship so it would be zero loss to either of us.

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Related Confessions

My wife knew i was a recovering s** addict when we dated, when we married, and knew that it stemmed from childhood maternal molestation many years ago. She knows i will not act out, that i love her too much to do that to her, and she knows to the degree any non s** addict can how exhausting the onslaught of compulsive intrusive s***** thoughts are. But she still rejects my sincere well motivated desire for surgical or chemical castration and i cannot understand why. We have a platonic relationship so it would be zero loss to either of us.

4 Views