I have a lot of anxiety. And my biggest struggle is my social anxiety. It's gotten to the point where I'm anxious and insecure even with my siblings. I'm

6 years

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I have a lot of anxiety. And my biggest struggle is my social anxiety. It’s gotten to the point where I’m anxious and insecure even with my siblings. I’m an adult and have four adult siblings. While they all like to hang out and talk to each other, I never visit them or even call them. It’s not that I don’t want to, in fact I really want to visit them and talk to them. But I don’t because my anxiety is so out of control. I know it’s irrational but I feel like they never want me around and they think I’m boring or something. The fear that they would be annoyed if I visited them. The fear that if I called them they would only pick up out of obligation. The fear that I’m the sibling they dread seeing. The fear that if I opened up about it they would think I’m doing it for attention. All those fears eat away at me. And all those fears are severely affecting my ability to spend time with my siblings. And the worst part is I know that it’s all lies my brain is making up. But I still can’t stop the feelings.

New Confession

When I entered mommysroom and saw Elma our bLack housekeeper viciously moms naked cheeks I nearly died. Both totally naked and mommy yelling “yes yes yes “ to each whack. Elma n****** wobbled in her chest. They were gorgeous. I licked my lips. I rubbed my own ripening n****** feeling the glow rising between my thighs. Then mommy turned over on the bed. She spread her legs out wide opening her p**** to Elma’s eyes. Elma grabbed a long wooden spoon. Aimed carefully and whacked mommy’s p**** lips very hard. The wet squishy sound was music to my ears. The effect on mommy’s p**** must have been an extreme explosion. Not a single sound came from mommy’s mouth. “Is it good baby? Does your puss scream in agony? Ent one whack on a n*****? Uuuuummmmmhhhummm mommy groaned. “Pull your p**** open sweetie and maybe I’ll lick your c***. I watched as mommy gripped her c*** lips and spread her v***** wide open. Whack whack the spoon hit the n******. “Three taps on your c*** sweetie, then I’ll s*** your c*** snd let you c**.” Sloun good darling? Uummhhm. Whack whack 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 whack. Arahhhhahh. Mommy gasped. Them Elma bent down and kneeled at mommy’s p****. Her pink tongue flicked out over the ripe c*** button. Mmmppphhh mommy groaned. Her thighs spread wider. Dribbles of pee escaped. Elma giggled. Losing control are we? She wriggled her tongue over the c*** faster and faster and faster. The legs began to move shivering and jiggling. Her n****** were rock hard and she twisted the pebbles in her fingers. “Pull your knees to your chest to bare your a** sweetie. Mom did . Elma kept her tongue in moms v***** . Then she grabbed the paddle and fired 7 quick hard vicious whacks on mommies bare a** cheeks. The violence blasted her c*** over the edge and screaming she bounced her a** onto the bed . Watching all this unfold I was very close to c****** myself. But I watched mommy’s naked body collapse flat. She has passed out mid orgssm. I could see her belly twitch and jerk in orgasmic contractions. It was a beautiful s*** dream to watch.

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My wife knew i was a recovering s** addict when we dated, when we married, and knew that it stemmed from childhood maternal molestation many years ago. She knows i will not act out, that i love her too much to do that to her, and she knows to the degree any non s** addict can how exhausting the onslaught of compulsive intrusive s***** thoughts are. But she still rejects my sincere well motivated desire for surgical or chemical castration and i cannot understand why. We have a platonic relationship so it would be zero loss to either of us.