There are moments I feel almost content despite all the b*******. Then other times I’m so sad about the things I don’t have (a love, a home of my own, a real liveliehood, a feeling of community). It’s so lonely and painful sometimes. I’m 41. The man I love is 61 and doesn’t feel the same, but wr’re good friends still. Maybe someday with him, but who am I kidding. I’ll always try and push myself to pursue work and other goals but I’m ready for something real in the personal realm. I want my love to have luttle outings with, and worry a out. And cook for and get annoyed at, and make love to and lay in bed with. Lord gimme somethin.