I wish you picked me. I wasn't your first or even second choice. I loved you and I regret having those feelings for you; for allowing myself to fall even

6 years

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I wish you picked me. I wasn’t your first or even second choice. I loved you and I regret having those feelings for you; for allowing myself to fall even deeper for you. Now it’s so difficult to get rid of those feelings. It’s like a stain that just won’t come out no matter how hard I try.

I don’t blame you though. I want to…but in my mind, I know the truth. I knew it wouldn’t work out between us. The signs were all there. I ignored them. I chose to block them out and focus on the small chance it could work. That if I persevered and kept choosing you, you’ll eventually choose me back. That if I treated you like you’re the one for me, you’ll treat me like I’m the one for you. When things didn’t go how I wanted it to go, I took it out on you. You didn’t deserve that. You’re just doing the best you can day by day.

Now you’re gone from my life and I can’t get you to come back. Our story is over. It’s done. Any future possibilities are cut. You’re with someone special now and you seem to be happy. It’s probably an ego thing but the thought you’re happy without me, that I never really mattered that much to you if you can be that happy without me makes me sad. A naive and childish thing to feel sad about. I wish I didn’t feel like that. I don’t want you to be sad but I don’t want you to be happy either. It’s ridiculous.

I hope you think about me sometimes. I hope you miss me. I hope you think of me fondly. I hope you don’t forget about me. I hope you reach out to me one day. I hope I’m a better person if that day comes.

But I know that’s not gonna happen. After being away from you for so long, I’ve had time to think and truly see. I know you won’t think about me. I know you won’t miss me. Even if you did think about me, it would be all the things you find annoying about me. One day you’ll forget about me…you’re a forgetful person after all. We won’t ever talk to each other anymore. And should I be wrong about all of that and you do indeed reach out to me, I’m not gonna be a better person. I’m going to be cold to you. I’m going to scorn you. My emotions will get the better of me because you dared to reach out to me after you left me.

We will never be in each other’s stories anymore. I wish that wasn’t the case but it is.

New Confession

Steve and I have invited extra guys over for special events. Now we’re gearing up for his 32 second birthday. And I’m asking lets invite two extra guys plus him. Because I really want my cream pie pan ponded.

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