I'm so tired, I feel stuck, lifeless, depressed I want to cry but am not even able to. My head is almost constantly filled with a foggy pain of

6 years

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I’m so tired, I feel stuck, lifeless, depressed I want to cry but am not even able to. My head is almost constantly filled with a foggy pain of hopelessness. I want to feel fulfilled, I don’t want to live in my mom’s apartment anymore and be by myself, I want a freaking job and independence. I just want a diferent day, feel useful, find a partner or just have at least an intimate experience with someone, as nowadays I don’t think I’ll find so soon a longterm partner because nowadays nobody gives a damn about making an effort to make a longlasting relationship. Worse of all is I like men, yeah right, I can dream my whole life that I’ll ever get to find someone like that. Furthermore I am still very very very very hurt from the last relationship I had, wich wasn’t even in real life, just a boring long distance relationship that was since the start destined to fail miserably. I’m so fed up with everything, I wish for once things went my way so I wouldn’t feel so horrendously powerless and stuck. I can’t bear the routine anymore.

New Confession

I am the old trunk, filled with ancient mysteries.
I am the mask that burns with the fires of vengeance.
I am the legend that unites this nation.
I am… DOOM

Victor von doom aka Dr doom

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My wife knew i was a recovering s** addict when we dated, when we married, and knew that it stemmed from childhood maternal molestation many years ago. She knows i will not act out, that i love her too much to do that to her, and she knows to the degree any non s** addict can how exhausting the onslaught of compulsive intrusive s***** thoughts are. But she still rejects my sincere well motivated desire for surgical or chemical castration and i cannot understand why. We have a platonic relationship so it would be zero loss to either of us.