Not sure why this even hurts, all it does is remind me what an idiot I am for believing something could go differently. It’s that b******* Einstein insanity quote thing, thinking that a different outcome can result from doing the same thing/making the same mistake. Short form back story, I am male by anatomy/birth. But I have had lifelong mixed feelings about both s***** and gender identity. The bisexuality is the easier part of it. Never self shamed or guilt tripped over liking certain aspects of s** with a man, just processes differently for me. Always known that I have a fair streak of thoughts/emotions that would typically be categorized as female
So it’s been a bumpy ride in relationships and my own headspace. So today with the only male lover I have, never played the field with either gender, I am laying next to him clad in bra and p******. I have the fortune of physique that can be easily interpreted as tall slender girl, and shockingly, i know, virtually any pair of p****** is more than capable of hiding male anatomy. Anyway we were laying there talking and winding down, and I had this rare moment of feeling affectionate, s***, playful, and more overtly s*****/bawdy and teasing. I made the huge f****** mistake of telling him. And the response I got? “Okay….”. This is why I avoid relationships and s** with only very rare exception. Because male or female, no one understands being anything that is even the slightest bit in between.
