i had a mental breakdown in public yesterday. it lasted for about two hours and i walked slowly around, hung my head in shame and cried hysterically in the middle of town. it lasted from 7 through 9 p.m. there were few people around but i’m sure that the ones who were saw me. i went to sit on the fifth storey of a high building, my legs dangling off the edge of the roof. i decided i was too much of a coward to jump. i went to a road on the opposite side of town, and laid down in it, talking to myself about how i was a coward and a retarded b**ch, and how i acted like a 6 year old (i’m 15 years old). I told myself my girlfriend didn’t deserve me and she deserved a girl who didn’t whine about everything.
i was caught laying in the road by a girl who used to go to my school and her friends, who finally convinced me to go home. i am paranoid that when i get back to school, everyone would have heard about my breakdown.
i would be ridiculed for it, and my parents would refuse to let us move to a different town because it would affect my gcse’s (i’m pretty sure my frequent breakdowns are already lowering my grades).
i just want to move to the other side of the uk. maybe even another country. probably another country. i don’t want to go back to my current school after what happened yesterday.
a few of my friends were texting me at the time and i worry that i made them panic or i bothered them. i am very sorry if reading this made you feel upset in any way. i came here to get my thoughts out.