I fear that I have become what I have feared most…and that is becoming a bad friend. On top of being a bad daughter, I have selfishly placed my issues in the hands of kind people who were willing to deal with my flaws. I have always felt grateful but my actions never seem to reflect it.
A little backstory… My longest friend has gone through so much trauma because of my parents, specifically my mom, and my tense family situation. She handled this through middle school and by high school, we did not properly see each other at all and rarely texted. It was my fault not to make time and being too cowardly to become independent and stand up to my parents. I was too selfish and scared to come to my friend’s aid. Now, with both of us in college and far from home, I continued to act cowardly, not being willing to go to her campus, even when she was willing to come to mine. I thought I was a good or at least decent friend…but I realized now that I’m the worse.
I realize now that I don’t deserve my current friends or friends at all. I will only pain them all.
