I want to talk about how I feel but not to my close friends because I don’t want to bother them with such dumb things. I feel more comfortable telling complete strangers, because I might never talk to them again, and I like that. I don’t want people to know me that well, it has only hurt me in the past. As much of a dumb mindset that is I can’t just change it with the snap of my fingers. It feels inescapable. Like I’m always trapped in a “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.” situation, and it feels goddamn awful. I wish it would just end. I deserve the pain, but my friends don’t.