Last June I started an affair with a much younger married girl (she was 30 and I am 54). She is easily one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever met and the whole time I really couldn’t believe she was into me. The affair lasted five months – a few times we tried to stop because of the guilt and the heartache. I told her I was in love with her, would be willing to marry and have kids with her (I lost it pretty much). I felt so empty without her, it was like a drug high being with her and then just drinking myself stupid alone at night. She said she was in love with me, treated me so lovingly, would cry about the guilt and confusion over what to do. Eventually I begged an old girlfriend to travel overseas to live with me for three months and help me get my life back on track. I know this wasn’t fair on her but I needed a distraction. Ex-girlfriend came in January and now of course with the lockdowns, she’s still here and driving me crazy. I respect her as a friend but have no attraction to her whatsoever. Meanwhile, the younger woman and I tried to stay friends but because I stopped calling her all the time trying to move in with my life, she’s completely stopped contacting me. I don’t want her out of my life but at the same time it feels peaceful not having to go through those ups and downs. But I still think of her at night and it haunts me. Am I ruined forever? Maybe. But I don’t think I would’ve changed a thing.