my mental health has been fucked up for years. i’m a very independent and closed off person, partially because my family doesn’t talk about deep things and partially because that’s just who i am. i once tried to talk to my mom about seeing a therapist, but because i didn’t want to say anything about depression or anxiety or the dark scary things we don’t discuss i told her i was stressed. she said i should try yoga or meditation. that was about a year and a half ago. i spend a lot of time inside my head and have made it though the past few years by self-analyzing and crying alone. i don’t have any really close friends i can talk to because i’m awkward, overly critical (of myself and others) and also terrible at maintaining the relationships i do have. things are getting worse and i almost feel like i’m ready to ask my mom about seeing a therapist again and be more honest this time except that we’re in the middle of a pandemic and i don’t want to start sessions over zoom or whatever. i guess i’m just going to wait, but i’m just struggling so much right now that i literally don’t know how to keep moving forward. i hate life more than ever.
