i self harm on the daily. im 14 and iv’e been doing it since i was 10. i really dont care about my life anymore if im honest. i have a boyfriend who cares very much about me. we love each other a lot and i wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. iv’e attempted overdose twice, i had to be transported my helicopter to a different icu due to my levels going up. i smoke weed a lot too and my mom just recently found out and has been getting more and more mentally abusive, not respecting my triggers and making me feel worse. due to the pandemic i can only skype with my counselors and im scared to tell them because my mom always sits next to me while i talk to them no matter if it’s and individual session or not. my parents have beaten the s*** out of me before and cps got called but my mom lied and had them label it as “discipline” when there was obvious bruises, a cut on my forehead, and i had a limp. my dad has apologized for beating me as he had a terrible childhood. my mom? never. no remorse. she recently lied to my friends and told them that i said to her that they stole my mom’s weed, not me, when i never said anything about them. they hate me now and they know i would never ever side up with my mom. i have nowhere to go. my boyfriend lives in arizona, im in pennsylvania. i have family in arizona but it’s not like i can go there, where am i gonna get the money? it’s 100 something dollars to go to erie pa to goodyear az. i dont care what happens to me at this point but i dont wanna hurt my boyfriend. me, as his girlfriend knows that if i do anything stupid he might do it too. i wanna go see him but my parents have no idea he even exists. i dont know what to do. iv’e been to psychiatric hospitals 3 times, two for the overdoses, one because i chose to go there as i didn’t feel safe and had my mom call crisis. last overdose and the second time i went to the hospital she guilt tripped me and i flipped out on her so the nurses had to take her out the room. i doubt anyone is gonna read this but advice would be nice. i dont need sympathy. i get help already. my family knows im a cutter. there’s nothing i can do. im stuck.
