I feel very alone in my own family. My older siblings (who are very close in age with me, so it’s not like I’m way younger than them) always wanna do stuff together, and hate when I ask to join. They always say they just wanna hang out with each other and if I go it’s too many people. And my younger siblings don’t hang out with me much because I’m way older than them and they don’t have much interest doing stuff with me. My parents don’t give two shits about any of us, so it’s not like I talk to them either. I have so many siblings and I spend so much time alone, while everyone spends so much time together. Although I hate quarantine, I thought this would be a good chance to spend time with family. But apparently they didn’t have the same idea as me. Because once again, every time I ask to hang out with literally anyone, they don’t want to. But of course, while they don’t wanna hang with me, they love hanging out with each other. I’m already a super suicidal person, and no human interaction puts me in a huge state of distress. And because I can’t see my friends, I’m basically completely alone because my family won’t talk to or hang out with me. There have already been several nights where I seriously considered killing myself, and I’ve already spiraled back into self harm out of anger. Last I told my family I was suicidal (and they know I self harm because they’ve seen my arms) they didn’t really say anything. They just kind of brushed it off and continue to leave me alone. It’s almost as if they’re baiting me to kill myself. The more I say I can’t handle being alone the more they ignore me.
