• 2 weeks ago

I’m a 15 year old girl and this is my pain.
My parents are believers that there is only one way to love, and that is love between a man and a woman, anything else is wrong and a sin.
I decided to follow my heart, to be honest with myself and I “came out” to my friends and close ones, except my family. I started talking to a girl, and my interest in her kept growing everytime we spoke, it was amazing. Eventually, she became my girlfriend and I was so proud of saying that out loud. I recieved major support from her friends and mine, but, my town is pretty small, and, the rumors began to spread. My parents work in the town’s most popular “taquería”, almost everyone eats there, and, somebody told them.
When they found out “my way of loving was wrong”, they couldn’t bare to look me in the eye, blaming society, my friends, themselves, blaming, anything, basically, but, mostly, my girlfriend. I tried to talk and explain that my sexual orientation was not magically chosen from one night to another, but, my words don’t seem to be loud enough. I stopped talking to my friends, I stopped talking to my girlfriend, my smile faded away, I was forced to isolate myself from everything I loved, everyone. My father’s eyes bursted into flames everytime my girlfriend was mentioned, my mother’s rage consumed my being whenever she caught me talking to my girlfriend.
I got anxiety just being in my house, knowing that they were there, just ready to remind me how dissapointed they will always be in me, I couldn’t handle the fact that my family saw me as Satan himself, that they wouldn’t allow me to be with my girlfriend because she is a girl and they kept insisting that she was brainwashing me… so, I tried to commit suicide several times, but, it didn’t go how I planned, because, I’m still here, alive.
For a moment, life kept seeming less and less worth continuing, and, it killed me so much. My mother screaming offensive, homofobic slurs to me, over and over, made me want to just disapear. It hurt. I kept in contact with my girlfriend, and, we continued, secretly.
Up to this day, we are still together and we are fighting our family’s hate so we can be together. She never left my side and I can say she’s the main reason my feet are still on the ground. I understand I’m just a teen, which is why I’m listening to my parents, they are the ones who feed me, put a roof over my head, so, I have no other option than to keep suffering from their constant insults and slaps. I tried to pretend to be straight, but, it only brought me more insults. I hope to leave my house as soon as I turn 18, no matter the consequences, I just can’t take more pain. I’m afraid of myself, sometimes I don’t have control and I harm myself; I’m afraid of what will happen if the hate keeps growing. I’ll have to be strong, though, for my girlfiend, for the little people who care about me…

Simply Confess