I’ll be going to my cousin’s engagement party on Friday, and just thinking about it, I already feel so uncomfortable, in these situations and places my mother doesn’t let me breathe, she has to choose and be aware of what I’m going to wear, so we bought a dress, but the problem is that I really don’t feel comfortable wearing it, I usually go for over-sized clothing in my everyday life mostly black colors because it gives an illusion that I’m skinnier than I actually am, I want to lose weight so much but I never had the motivation to do so, since I can easily hide my body with certain clothes, so the idea of me wearing a dress that’s too tight is really giving me so much anxiety, you see I have a body type where whenever I gain weight it goes straight to my hips and a**, it looks good at one point since I have small waist, but now since I’ve gained weight, my a** got bigger, and I dont really feel like it’s the good type of big, either way even when I was pretty skinny people still stared because I generally have a big a**, so now that i gained weight its going to be 10 times worse, and the fact that all my relatives are going to be there makes me want to jump off a cliff, since its going to be really awkward walking around with my a** sticking out around people whom i always dressed really trashy around, i know theyre gonna talk about my outfit or my body because in these occasions thats always what happens, i always end up hearing people talk about my body, so i honestly dont know what to do about that, I really don’t want to go but I have no other choice, because in our traditions, not sharing happy times with relatives means im not happy for them, so I really don’t know what to do.