I don’t wanna die but I sincerely don’t wanna exist
I wish things were different.
Weeks after weeks I go to bed and I imagine there parallel worlds, I imagine a world where I’m able to have a healthy relationship with someone, where I’m studying in my 1st university choice, surrounded by good friends that love me and that I love back, that my dad doesn’t have a have a problem and everything is fine; And sometimes I dream it and it’s so much better than reality.
I wish I hasn’t such an horrible person bc I know I am and maybe that’s what’s wrong, everyone knows and can see it but no one tells me, like a sick joke … and I let people do whatever they want with me … want to use me for 4 months and then spread rumors about me, make me feel as useless as the person before u did ? Be my guest I guess … Sometimes I thank you for just showing affection towards me even if for a short period of time bc I’m so useless and sad that I wonder how someone could even care about me
During my life I have seen so many people go and I’m afraid… I’m so afraid of who is gonna be next … but if I let myself go down I know I’m the only one who is gonna help me to go rebuild myself
And it’s just like my dad says, only people that have nothing to do have depression … and that’s what I don’t understand there’s so many things I have to do, so why do I feel like this, why do I start crying almost everyday to the point I end up always without breath, holding my neck petting it trying to make it work only to feel exhausted after
I have no rights to feel like this but like always I’m an idiot