On April thirteenth I held my best friend as he died in my hands. It was a bright sunny day. after he had passed and I stepped outside, it was pouring rain. I felt the light leave his body and he will never brighten another day of my life with his beautiful eyes. He was my family. He was always there. We grew up together. I can’t imagine my life without him and yet here I am, without him. Trying to find the willpower to keep moving. Every time I stop, I crumble and break. I have been frantic. I can’t seem to slow down. And yet I feel so f****** guilty for trying to live my life. He was my companion. My best friend. He always loved me for exactly who I am, and never asked anything of me. I spent every waking moment at his side and now he is gone. I can still hear him now. I can still feel him on my skin. I can feel his gnawing presence. He hangs over me like an insufferable cloud of waking nightmares. I was responsible for him. I was his best friend in the entire world and now he is gone, and I have to live with it. I have to carry his memory until the day I die. He was there when I had no one. When I had nothing. We did everything together. We survived the WORLD together. I kept him from dying and he did the same for me. I fed him with my bare hands as he lay dying in a bed he could scarcely get out of. I owe him my life. I will always be in his debt, a debt I can never repay. I love him. I’ve always loved him.
And I always will.

Please for the love of everything that is good and wholesome in this world… Reach out to the ones you love, Because chances are that one day you might carry this pain.
He is ashes. For those who are not, hold them dearly and never let go.
Every moment counts.
Every, f******, one.