My bf’s ex died. I think he’s still in love with her. The funeral is today. I resent him for how he’s been treating me. He ignores me when he’s stressed and it triggers my childhood trauma. I have been resisting buying a gun for these last few days. I don’t think this relationship can last. I resent his treatment of me. It’s like the Mark Show. He’s nice in some ways, though. Also, I have a lot of trauma I’ve suffered every type of abuse except being hit. Lots of s*****, psychological and neglect. I’m really fucked up inside and I need someone who can reassure and comfort me. He’s not that person. He’s like another one of them. A blank piece of paper. Emotionally repressed. I’m in pain and I’m worried I will lash out so I’m going to smoke weed. I have a bad weed problem like I pawn s*** just to smoke. But..that’s the price I have to pay when the meds are not enough