i have been thinking of killing myself for the past 6 years and the reason i havent is because i have a handful of people who love me and i cant stand the thought of them being in pain over it, but its getting harder and harder everyday, some people i really thought loved me have become so shallow and are only using me but if i say anything, im afraid to be cast aside for wanting to start trouble. it has happened before. and i dont think i can handle living through it again. one person has became borderline abusive, and is putting me into relapse. they make me look at pornographic images without my permission and openly defends loli/shota, which he knows was used to groom me into being sexually abused and have what happened recorded. I don’t care if people like it or not I just don’t want to hear about it and he doesn’t understand that when i have explained it so many times. but if i say anything i will be starting trouble. i just want it all to stop. im sorry everyone. i might do something really stupid.

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